So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
