i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Someone shattered a urinal.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
