I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
