I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
