he puts the penis in happiness.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
