yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
