i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
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