that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
worst night to have a conscience
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
