I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
