Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
