just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
