i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
