I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
