Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Enjoy the penises
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
