Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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