sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
