I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize
