well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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