I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
