Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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