Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
We need a shit load of segways right now
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
