well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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