Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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