i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I think I died a long time ago.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I just gargled with NyQuil
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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