its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
