the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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