well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
