loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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