she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Randomize
