I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
