Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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