we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
