Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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