HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
