You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
