she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
