Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
