At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
