And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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