the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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