what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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