I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
