just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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