Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
