omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
you made out with another girl for some wings
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
