and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
