Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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