Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
