Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
this is an emotional support booty call
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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