apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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