Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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