There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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